it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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