just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
