Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize