I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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