Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
