i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
