im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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