i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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