Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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