So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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