We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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