If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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