Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Come on in and take your pants off
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