Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
