Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
the condom got lost in my hair
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
