I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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