just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
