You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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