i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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