'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
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If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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