Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
