just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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