what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I AM VODKA MAN
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
