That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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