I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Randomize
