when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
