remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
