I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
