Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
