WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
