Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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