had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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