Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
