This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
