pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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