God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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