so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
