I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I believe in your delicious
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
