she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
