her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Oh god it's open bar.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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