just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
