well he's currently spooning the coffee table
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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