That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
