Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
