new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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