it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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