He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
