grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
It's blow job season.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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