just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
