It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
