Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
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It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
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bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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