i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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