well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
