Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
he puts the penis in happiness.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
