who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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