Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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