not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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