any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
