You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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