so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
When did angry sex become our thing?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
