I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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