did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
