I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
