Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
