i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
