You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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