i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
