Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
