well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
