Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
