proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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