I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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