Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
