i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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