i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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