dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
