hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
