are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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